I did nothing wrong

Like many people, I have been contemplating the discussions in the community recently. Although I have not encountered sexual assault myself, I am aware of several female friends who have suffered from such cruelty. It is alarming how this form of violence persists so commonly in our society.

My boundaries were violated only once, during a visit to a healer I had seen multiple times. I trusted him because I had met him at a mediumship course and witnessed his spiritual abilities. Additionally, I believed his age and health issues made him unlikely to overstep any boundaries.

I had visited him a few times seeking healing, although there were always considerable intervals between appointments. On this occasion, which would end up being my last session with him, I didn't feel that he was healing me as he had before by keeping his hand static in one place, but rather a gentle stroking sensation. He began at my feet and gradually worked his way up, but as he reached my hips while I lay on my back, his touch grazed lightly against my collarbone.

Although I didn't exactly freeze, I could not voice my discomfort. My upbringing as a well-mannered and obedient girl prevented me from speaking up. As he continued, I shifted onto my stomach, and he placed his hand on my back. Nothing more transpired except for his suggestion that I could return to him for assistance in achieving a "release".

Although I had no intention of writing about this or engaging in these discussions, as I know that there are individuals more knowledgeable than me to address this vital issue, the idea came to me during meditation. I felt compelled to share my thoughts on what to consider when selecting a therapist, emphasizing that respecting boundaries should not be overlooked in decision-making.

Regrettably, some individuals resort to extreme violence, while others push boundaries and exploit those who struggle to establish limits. Although I didn't have a past of sexual or physical abuse during that time, I did have a history of compliance and struggling to refuse.

I felt ashamed of my inaction in this situation for a considerable period. I regretted not leaving immediately. My silence embarrassed me, failing to alert anyone about this individual, unsure of who I could possibly confide in.

This experience taught me how easily one can find oneself in such a predicament and how challenging it can be to decline unwanted advances assertively. I struggled to establish boundaries and chose to complete the session before walking away, never returning to see that man.

I lack any magical solutions for preventing one person from abusing another. I am not even sure how to conclude this post effectively. Perhaps by emphasizing that I have no reason to feel ashamed, as I have committed no wrongdoing.