My spiritual awakening: Part II

Once I established a connection with my authentic self, my life began to change.

During that period, I focused much of my energy on exploring my childhood within my shamanic practice. At the same time, I began to experience past life memories connected to healing that required attention.

Over time, I engaged more deeply in introspection, strengthening my connection with my physical self. My healer noted that my emotional body was thawing, with repressed emotions and physical discomfort gradually surfacing for healing.

I also lost my job during this time, but I was sure I would secure new employment soon. However, the Covid-19 pandemic began, resulting in two years of unemployment. During this period, I didn't achieve notable accomplishments that I could associate with or take pride in, marking the beginning of a kind of ego dissolution.

After finding a job that was a better fit for me, my life began to improve. However, I reached a moment where I felt a deep despair and was on the verge of giving up completely. I started to believe that one day, I would wake up feeling no motivation to get out of bed, let alone go to work.

Initially, I viewed those feelings negatively, but after discovering Pema Chödrön's book, When Things Fall Apart, I realized those experiences were positive. Until then, I had hoped to avoid challenges and assumed everything would improve independently, but life doesn't work that way.

I realized that those feelings signalled my readiness to let go completely. I communicated to the universe that I couldn't manage it by myself anymore; I relied on a higher power to step in, whether it be my guardian angels, my higher self, or the essence of creation. I was ready to stop trying to control everything on my own.

However, I had one thing left to try to "save" me, so after thoughtful deliberation, I decided to take my first and only psychedelic trip. Although the experience was purely physical, it triggered a profound healing process within me. Subsequently, I have been enduring tremors and discomfort for more than ten months to purge old energy and pain from my body and energy system.

It's only now that I comprehend the events of the past few years. Upon finding my true self, I entered a process akin to purgatory. Essentially, anything that doesn't resonate with my authentic self or is untrue is being purged from my body and mind. This purification will persist until everything has been eliminated.

Although I'm uncertain about the duration of this process, I feel more equipped to handle it because I grasp its essence. However, despite the insights gained from experiencing pain and introspection, I sense I'm close to surrendering, reverting to where I was before my psychedelic experience started.

I have invested significant effort into moulding my life in line with my vision or personality, yet it isn't unfolding as anticipated. However, this outcome isn't negative; it's simply how things will happen. Many individuals embarking on a spiritual journey anticipate material benefits, but this path is designed for something completely different.

Instead of accumulating possessions, you strip away everything that does not define you. Your life seems to regress. For instance, numerous individuals find themselves unemployed, relationships falter, or they lose interest in what once mattered to them. A particular kind of collapse must occur to pave the way for a fresh start.

I needed to be prepared to let go of my personality, consisting of memories and beliefs, so that my higher self could assume control. Surrendering is crucial because it requires faith in a higher power, whether I perceive it as my higher self, God, or the universe.

The remaining question is: how can one live life as an embodiment of their higher self?