Matters of the heart

This past Sunday, I graduated from Your Personal Transformation, a nine-month journey of introspection at Starcodes Academy.

Last autumn, I had not considered beginning this program because it coincided with my three-year shamanism study, which I completed in October. However, I was presented with this opportunity, and now I am thankful that I chose to accept it, despite the initial challenge of balancing full-time work and double study load.

It was worth it, particularly considering the significant transformation I underwent about a month ago. The initial three months of this year were challenging for me; I felt quite lethargic and found it difficult to feel joy or enthusiasm for anything. I battled with low energy levels and woke up feeling tired regardless of how much sleep I got, even after being able to sleep in on weekends.

For as far back as I can recall, I have experienced these feelings without comprehending the reason behind them. Despite undergoing numerous blood tests and attempting various remedies to address my fatigue, lethargy, and lack of energy, the cause remained elusive. Then, one day in early April, as I drove to the store while listening to pop music, a transformation occurred within me. Suddenly, I found myself overwhelmed with joy and contentment, appreciating the simple act of being present.

I was worried that this sensation would disappear, but as time passed, it persisted. Each morning, I woke up prepared for the day ahead. While I do experience fatigue from not getting enough sleep, it's not as overwhelming as before. It's as if I've been navigating through life with a heavy weight holding me back, a weight that has now miraculously vanished, making everything feel much more effortless.

What a transformation! However, this change did not happen suddenly; it is the outcome of the personal growth I have been actively pursuing for the last twelve years. I have been dedicated to spiritual learning for five consecutive years now, and I have also completed numerous courses since I embarked on my first tarot course at the age of 25. This marked the start of my increased sensitivity and heightened awareness, as well as the beginning of me effectively addressing the anxiety and unease that have troubled me since my childhood and teenage years.

Throughout the years, I have visited different therapists, healers, and counsellors who have assisted me in understanding my emotions, providing me with a way to express them and release them from within me. Repeatedly, I have had to release emotions such as fear, sadness, anger, shame, and pain. I believe that the transformation and sense of relief I experience stem from no longer allowing these emotions to weigh me down and hinder me from embracing my true self.

To me, self-care is not about relying on magic tricks. The success and improved well-being I experience are the outcomes of the immense effort, energy, time, and resources I have invested in self-improvement. It's a journey I don't regret, as it has enabled me to coexist peacefully with myself and embrace self-love. By shedding all that doesn't define me, I have discovered the essence of my being—the light and love within.

While my life hasn't fundamentally changed, and I continue to encounter challenges, the difference now is that I feel significantly happier being my authentic self. I understand that I won't always be on cloud nine, but I am confident in my ability to navigate any obstacles that come my way, as I possess the inner strength to face any situation.

During my mental health journey, I have experienced many victories, both small and large, ever since I decided to confront my discomfort directly. However, I see this latest success as a new beginning in my life, allowing me to now accept just being without carrying too heavy a load.

Although this journey of mine has been extremely challenging at times, it has allowed me to encounter amazing individuals who have offered me their support and kindness. Moreover, it has provided me with the opportunity to understand myself better, enabling me to identify my passions and aspirations in life. My reflection on the past is mostly complete, and a promising future lies ahead.