Self-development: Peeling the onion

When it comes to self-care, I don't think that magic tricks are the answer. I believe that it requires a significant amount of time and effort to achieve success in addressing past traumas.

However, I have become accustomed to the idea that I occasionally attain specific outcomes, typically following a challenging phase during which I gain a deeper understanding of myself and my life circumstances.

Experiencing that sense of achievement is truly rewarding, akin to advancing to the next stage in a video game. It assures me that I can move forward to face fresh challenges instead of revisiting past ones. Nevertheless, recently, I've been grappling with the recurring nature of specific issues that I believed I had already overcome.

There have been instances when I believed I had reached a positive state within myself, only to discover that it requires continuous effort. While I used to think I was focused on exploring new experiences and expanding my knowledge, recent weeks have revealed that I am engaged in a repetitive cycle of addressing the same issues.

Recently, I have been grappling with various mundane emotions resurfacing, many of which are familiar thoughts and feelings I have previously confronted. Succumbing entirely to this situation would be a simple option, as there are moments when I feel all the effort I have put in thus far has been in vain.

Maybe it's because I still react to minor incidents the way I did when I was young, and I occasionally find it challenging to establish connections with others. This causes me embarrassment because I think these issues shouldn't affect me anymore now that I'm an adult.

There is no need for me to feel ashamed, as I understand that my current struggles stem from past wounds during my childhood and teenage years, not from my adult life. This is the essence of trauma therapy - addressing the issues we are now prepared to confront. In the realm of self-improvement, we often refer to it as peeling the onion, delving deeper within ourselves to uncover what lies beneath the surface.

Occasionally, I experience phases like this where I sense an underlying issue without fully understanding it. During such times, I find solace in recognizing that they often precede significant revelations. Thus, I strive to remain patient until I uncover the root cause. I now realize that the primary lesson I needed to grasp this time is the extent to which I am still grappling with my past trauma.

While there isn't anything inherently negative about it, I need to acknowledge that this work is an ongoing process that may never reach perfection. In moments of frustration, I can pause, reflect on my progress, and appreciate how far I've come.

Moreover, I am grateful for the opportunity to confront these deep-seated and troubling feelings, as it is expected to lead to a more positive period in the future - and I am looking forward to a sunnier tomorrow.