A struggle between opposing forces

These days, I'm struggling with myself.

On certain mornings, I wake up feeling energized and eager to start my day by being productive at home, taking care of chores, preparing breakfast for the next day, meditating, reading books related to my shaman studies, or even going to a coffee shop.

However, there are other days when I struggle to get out of bed, feeling unmotivated and unproductive and finding it hard to accomplish even the simplest tasks on my to-do list. During those times, I lament over my unemployedness, overwhelmed by the uncertainty that seems to define my life.

My demeanour varies considerably depending on the type of day I experience. When it's a good day, I am brimming with energy and creativity, producing what I consider to be exceptional blog posts. I also notice the small things that bring me joy, such as a flourishing potted plant at home, a delicious cup of coffee, or the sun's warmth. On such days, life seems to flow effortlessly, I sense a clear purpose, and I find contentment within myself.

During a rough day, I feel depleted and down. I harbour persistent self-doubt and question my choices, yet I lack the motivation to confront the underlying emotions and unease. Instead, I seek solace in unhealthy habits that offer temporary relief or binge-watch Netflix and avoid any meaningful activity, seeking a temporary escape from reality and self-reflection.

My daily life is marked by a constant battle between these two extremes, requiring considerable effort to shape the type of day I will experience instead of leaving it to fate or external factors. Therefore, my current objective is to be mindful of my thoughts, emotions, and actions as they determine whether I will have a positive or negative day. In recent months, I have realised the importance of choosing my actions to ensure daily well-being.

Within spirituality, this practice is called elevating your vibration or awareness. Since the beginning of February, I have been participating in a weekly meditation circle, where my instructors have emphasized precisely this point: the significance of selecting one's thoughts and mindsets to experience improvement and growth on a daily basis. Elevating your vibration entails opting for thoughts, behaviours, and mindsets that uplift you and promote well-being.

The following are some examples of ways to raise the frequency:

· To breathe consciously

· Practicing gratitude

· Practicing meditation

· Eating healthy food

· To move

· Listening to music

· To socialize with nice people

· Being in the present

· Spending time in nature

That being said, it is essential to emphasize that intentionally deciding to elevate your vibration does not involve ignoring your emotions or saving energy to fulfil all the tasks your mind thinks are required to feel adequate.

Taking responsibility for one's well-being has many manifestations; some days, it involves obeying the body's request for much-needed rest, and others, it involves allowing hurt feelings to surface for processing. However, it is always helpful to examine whether one's thoughts, attitudes and actions contribute to one's well-being or unhappiness, regardless of where one is on one's healing journey.

After nearly a decade of addressing my most challenging emotions and memories, I believe I have achieved a state of equilibrium. It is now rare for me to become emotionally distressed by external remarks or past wounds resurfacing. When I feel inadequate, it is usually due to the choices I make throughout the day.

My lack of happiness may stem from insufficient sleep or exercise, consuming unhealthy food, or succumbing to self-criticism from my inner judge. I increasingly understand that I can control what I permit, my attitude towards myself and others, and my choices. This responsibility falls solely on me. I must consciously select thoughts, attitudes, and behaviours that pave the way for a positive and joyful day, ultimately leading to a fulfilling and content life.