Amid a panic attack

Beginning a temporary position, I was recruited by a lecturer at the University of Iceland to establish a website for a particular project. Feeling confident in my abilities, I believed I had a good grasp of the tasks at hand, given my experience with websites and different web management platforms.

Nevertheless, as I gained access to the system and prepared to begin my work, I experienced something akin to a slight panic attack. It had been a while since I last had to create a website from the ground up in this specific CMS, and initially, I struggled to grasp how things functioned.

When I acknowledged the need for time to solve this issue, my mind began criticizing me for presenting myself as an expert without total certainty of what to do. I immediately became anxious about the consequences if I failed to resolve the situation.

Despite being aware that mastering tasks like this can be time-consuming due to the varying functionalities of different web hosting systems, I failed to remain patient and calm while trying to understand them, allowing negative thoughts to overwhelm me entirely.

Luckily, I have always been comfortable seeking assistance. I knew my boss had hired someone to develop another website, and this individual possessed more technical knowledge than I did. This allowed me to approach them for any support I required. While this support was beneficial, I also found myself relying on it too heavily.

I promptly contacted my colleague for assistance when encountering a problem I was uncertain how to solve immediately. Upon sending the email, I felt reassured that a solution would be provided, meaning I could then calmly contemplate and resolve the issue independently.

My abilities and experience did not cause these negative thoughts and attitudes. In many instances, I could fully understand what I needed to do, but the stress led me to seek help impulsively instead of taking a moment to calm down and work through the issues on my own.

During a recent meditation group session, our teacher advised us to focus on our breath when faced with a challenging situation. It is more effective to calm down first instead of trying to solve problems immediately amidst stress or emotional turmoil. By approaching issues with a clear mind, we can better address and resolve them.

My initial experiences during the first three days at this job were like riding an emotional roller coaster. However, I soon understood the importance of maintaining a sense of calmness when faced with confusion. I have since learned that taking deep breaths and a short break to do something else allows me to return to work with a clear mind and effectively tackle the tasks.

While this is a positive beginning, I am aware of the necessity to delve deeper into the reasons behind my stress, excessive worrying about competence, and feelings of inadequacy compared to others. That is, however, the subject of a further navel examination and, subsequently, another column.