An eternal beginner

Being a beginner has always been a challenge for me. I am drawn to practising yoga consistently and acquiring skills in singing and dancing salsa.

On numerous occasions, I have enrolled in courses related to these subjects, yet I never delve deep enough to acquire substantial expertise or skill - I remain a perpetual novice in the areas that capture my attention.

Throughout this year of unemployment, I have had ample time to ponder why acquiring new skills frequently proves to be challenging for me. Over the past few years, I have embraced various tasks that were previously unfamiliar to me; I was motivated to begin learning how to play the guitar, I assumed the responsibility of cooking at home, and more recently, I have developed an interest in cultivating plants in my household.

Engaging in these hobbies, if you can even label them as such, has required me to confront the reality that I am not especially skilled in these pursuits. Consequently, I have encountered errors in my cooking endeavours; some plants have perished due to mishandling, and progressing in guitar practice has proven challenging as just as I grasp one concept, the next lesson introduces its own set of initial hurdles.

This year, I realized that I found it challenging to engage in activities because I had created a link between the tasks and my own identity. Whenever I didn't perform well on the guitar, I felt inadequate. If I made an error while cooking, I felt inadequate. Similarly, if I neglected to care for my plants properly, I felt inadequate.

Learning new things can be challenging, especially when you hold yourself to high standards. Perfectionism often leads me to believe that I must excel in every aspect, even when it's not necessary. I've come to realize that it's perfectly normal not to excel in areas where I lack experience. I've learned to embrace the fact that I'm a novice in my areas of interest and that achieving success will require time and dedication.

If only I had acquired this knowledge earlier in life, but there is ample time ahead to grow and develop. I have reduced my tendency to overwater plants, diversified my cooking by trying various recipes to avoid monotony, and might even resume playing the guitar occasionally. Over the past five weeks, I have been engaging in home yoga sessions, despite feeling stiff, as I believe consistent practice is key to progressing beyond a "mere" beginner.