Be yourself

Many people read various articles on gender relations across different media platforms because they do not fully understand relationship norms and appropriate behavior while seeking the ideal partner.

Despite the abundance of advice on this topic, I confidently claim that the solution is simple. The secret lies in self-reflection. The reason you're still seeking like-minded people isn't because there aren't enough of them; it's because you need to have more faith in yourself. Recently, my friend mentioned that she wanted more confidence as a Christmas present. This is precisely where she identified the problem.

For as long as I can remember, I've experienced feelings of nervousness and shyness. I made efforts to blend in by dressing inconspicuously and speaking softly to avoid attracting attention. My goal was to stay unnoticed, thinking that if I kept a low profile, I wouldn't be ridiculed.

My biggest worry has always been that drawing any attention could lead to ridicule for the mistakes I would inevitably make. It wouldn't have to be anything complex; I could trip or say something silly, and everyone would laugh, making my world fall apart, at least in my mind.

When I was sixteen and preparing to move to Reykjavík to continue my studies, I concluded that it was no longer practical. I envisioned a future where my fear of communication would hold me back from sharing my thoughts, dressing boldly, or meeting new and interesting people. My shyness would hinder me from finding a job I enjoyed, as it would prevent me from seeking out new opportunities. I would be too afraid to leave my comfort zone, which, despite being uncomfortable, was at least something I knew.

Consequently, I worked hard to change myself so I could live a relatively ordinary life, facing each day without being overwhelmed by fears of possible adverse outcomes. Life inherently involves risks: a charming boy might strike up a conversation with me or even glance my way. Oh dear. What could be more perilous than an attractive boy? He must be perfect. If he talks to me, he might discover my flaws. It's best to avoid such situations altogether.

Therefore, I went to secondary school alone. The anxiety that overwhelmed me as I neared the entrance of this intimidating place, filled with strangers who would immediately sense my insignificance and consider me unworthy of interaction, was unimaginable; I was sure I had nothing significant to share.

In that instant, I regretted not bringing my worst enemy to help me navigate the sea of unfamiliar faces. Nonetheless, I persevered. It took two years, but I finally built a tight-knit group of friends to hang out with during breaks. Although I didn't confide in them, I thoroughly enjoyed the rest of my school years.

Despite my attempts, I felt insufficient in becoming the kind of person who could handle life without the daily anxiety that overwhelmed me. Looking back, I am perplexed by how I was able to engage with society.

There were no outward signs of any issues. I performed exceptionally well in school and work, often being seen as an example for others. People frequently remarked, "She's reserved" or "She's quiet."

However, being reserved and not very outspoken is entirely acceptable and doesn't indicate any issue. Not everyone likes to engage in constant conversation, and that's perfectly okay. On the other hand, if you're afraid to be yourself, lack the courage to follow your dreams, and aren't living the life you desire, then there's a deeper issue at play.

After that, the next challenge was to travel abroad alone, which was the most frightening for me. It meant I had to manage all the essential tasks in these situations: deciding on destinations, planning activities, learning how to ask questions, and overcoming the fear of speaking in a foreign language.

Encounter new people. Depend on those you don't know. Trust strangers? Consider the risks involved. I only trust others after they have proven, through a thorough assessment, that they can be entrusted with my private information.

You might wonder if I began to change after all this effort, and the answer is yes. When we gather the courage to step into the expansive and dangerous world, fearing possible failures, and yet everything goes well, it increases our chances of succeeding with future risks, motivating us to take on even bigger challenges.

At the age of 21, after successfully living abroad for three months and taking several solo trips, I traveled to London to participate in a course led by Anthony Robbins, a well-known self-help guru. After just one day in the program, I walked over hot coals without injury (yes, really). This experience achieved Robbins' intended effect: once you've stepped over hot coals, you instinctively feel that there are few things you cannot accomplish.

This story illustrates that after years of consistently challenging myself and realizing my dreams without any adverse effects, I finally recognized that my daily anxiety was tied to feelings of inadequacy. Without realizing it, this anxiety originated from the belief that I needed to be someone other than who I truly was.

I would deem myself worthy if my looks, interests, and viewpoints were different. Yet, clinging to this belief does not lead to inner peace. It's illogical to consider one's present self as insufficient. As a person who values reason, I cannot embrace such an irrational idea.

For the first time, I believe in myself just as I am. I understand that no one is better than me. We are all human, and despite our differences, we have more in common than we often acknowledge.

The secret to being appealing lies in having confidence in our value, charm, intelligence, and attractiveness, recognizing that others are lucky to have us. Once we truly understand this, we will be happy even if we never find our "soulmate." Life will be fulfilling as long as we accept and love ourselves for who we are.

After understanding this truth, numerous events started to happen. While my lifelong focus has been education, I embraced the chance to kickstart my career with vocational training. Lately, I took a risk and changed my hairstyle without knowing what to expect.

This impulsive move was a significant departure from my usual cautious nature, where I meticulously planned everything to avoid any potential mishaps. Similarly, I choose my clothing based on personal preference rather than seeking validation from others.

Being single doesn't trouble me in the slightest. I'm satisfied with my family, amazing friends, and rewarding studies/training. If Prince Charming is looking for me, he'll have to find me. I can confidently state that discovering happiness and self-acceptance has changed my life. Maybe it's time for you to consider making a change in yours.