Doing or being

After weeks of needing to organize myself effectively and ensure I finished specific tasks daily, I realized that I had started feeling quite anxious.

Despite falling ill, I persisted in pursuing my goals and tinkering until I developed a severe headache, preventing me from relaxing, even though I desired to do so.

Reflecting on the past, I realize I have expanded my to-do list by engaging in positive and constructive activities. Despite being a full-time university student and dedicating three years to studying shamanism and participating in a weekly meditation group, I have also been enrolling in various shorter courses. For instance, I recently took advantage of the opportunity to join not just one but two coaching courses at no cost.

In addition, I believe I should be capable of achieving numerous remarkable feats due to my lack of children or pets, allowing me sufficient time to pursue all my interests. However, these endeavours require both time and energy. While I may have more time at my disposal compared to some, I still face the limitation of having only twenty-four hours in a day.

At this stage, I had reached a point where I was starting to feel the headache mentioned earlier. This headache only occurs when I haven't gotten enough fresh oxygen, consumed enough water, or encountered extreme stress, triggering an emergency response from my body. However, the headache was not the only issue, as I also began to experience aches in my shoulders.

One silver lining in this scenario is that I realized it has been a while since I faced such high levels of stress, which used to be a regular part of my life. My current situation is notably distinct from what I am used to, suggesting that I have adopted unhealthy behaviours from the past that are now affecting my balance in the present.

Therefore, I needed to assess the situation and identify my mistakes. I came to understand that I had been overly active. Despite my enthusiasm for all the knowledge I was acquiring and the valuable insights and advice I gained, I was overwhelmed by trying to do too much simultaneously, leading to negative consequences. This experience taught me the importance of being cautious about taking on excessive tasks.

I realized the importance of excelling in my work, although this mindset wasn't necessarily benefiting me. Perfectionism strongly influenced me, but I understand the need to adapt to situations without imposing excessive pressure on myself to achieve perfection. It suffices to give my best effort and perform to the best of my ability.

It likewise dawned on me that I had been overly fixated on measuring myself against others. While some individuals possess different energy levels and can multitask effortlessly, I am not wired that way. I require breaks between tasks to recharge. Therefore, I need to allow myself to unwind and savour the moment. I used to feel much happier when I wasn't striving to achieve everything on my to-do list. Not everything needs to be accomplished; sometimes, it's okay just to be.