Every small step counts

Throughout the years, impatience has been a common experience during my journey of self-cultivation.

Recognizing that self-improvement is a gradual journey, I am cautious of instant solutions and understand the importance of patience in reaching success. However, I feel frustrated when I see no concrete outcomes because of the step-by-step approach I am following, which makes it difficult to move past my current circumstances.

Lately, I've been feeling frustrated about the upcoming year due to the lack of tangible accomplishments and the expectation of a similar outcome. However, I've just realized that I've had some significant experiences in recent months. In particular, I managed to conquer my fears and now feel fulfilled.

A particular event during the past autumn made me realize I was no longer gripped by fear. Although I still had doubts and concerns about what the future had in store, the deep-seated fear that had plagued me for so long seemed to have vanished. It's difficult to articulate, but it felt like this fear dissipated and has not resurfaced since then.

Several weeks or months following that event, I no longer experienced emptiness. Over the past two years of unemployment, I have made an effort to avoid spending on frivolous items. However, I occasionally indulged in small treats like a quality cup of coffee at a cafe to pamper myself. While there's nothing amiss in finding joy in life, my shift has been that I no longer feel compelled to fill an inner void.

Simultaneously, I experienced a heightened sense of trust, particularly in a higher power (be it the universe, God, or my higher self), something I've been striving to cultivate recently. This newfound trust was evident when I unexpectedly received a bill that would typically have caused me anxiety and worry. Surprisingly, I remained calm, knowing I could pay the bill and everything would be alright.

Achieving a state of no longer feeling fear or emptiness is a significant accomplishment. I have noticed that I often downplay my successes during such changes, as I frequently feel like I should be doing more (especially when comparing myself to those who practice yoga and meditation early in the morning). I have been hard on myself for not using the skills I have learned over the past ten years to improve my spiritual path.

What I do excel at is being mindful of my thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and reactions daily. Of course, I have ambitious resolutions for the new year to commit to daily meditation and intensify my spiritual practice. However, that is not what matters most. The key is to have faith in my ability to consistently take these seemingly small steps, which could have a significant impact in the long run.