Kundalini, life force or a purification process?

It has been close to six months since my initial experience with psychedelic-assisted therapy, and a significant amount has transpired in that time.

Although I am still trembling and feeling various body pains, this does not indicate a lack of improvement. It seems that a specific cycle lasts approximately 2-3 weeks before shifting, leading to different types of pain or pain in other body areas.

I didn't anticipate this before the trip, but I have been reading a lot since then, as is my habit. I do it mainly to maintain my sanity. However, it is reassuring to know that many others have gone through the same or similar experiences, even if I don't personally know anyone facing it in the same manner.

I have found the most accessible material by reading up on Kundalini, a term most people use for this experience. However, I have also found material by spiritual teachers who prefer to talk about life energy or a purification process. For me, it doesn't matter what it's called as long as I find information that it is indeed a phenomenon that exists.

I think the best explanation for what is happening is that I have opened up material from my subconscious, old feelings and pain, which are coming to the surface for processing, slowly and surely, but to a greater extent than I have experienced in my self-cultivation journey thus far.

It helps me to think this way, especially when I feel bad or experience intense emotions, such as fear, anxiety, and shame. In those moments, I remind myself that this process only requires patience and the ability to sit with whatever is coming up at any given time instead of trying to hold it back.

It may seem repetitive as I continuously discuss emotional processing, but it's only because I have been engaged in healing practices for numerous years. There have been moments when I felt like quitting, particularly when discovering new areas requiring attention.

Perhaps that is the reason why I ultimately opted for psychedelic-assisted therapy. I had grown weary of continuously grappling with my emotions. I reached a point where I lacked the motivation or inclination to evade the necessary inner work. I had shed my fear of confronting the revelations hidden within my subconscious mind.

Even though I didn't anticipate the shaking and pain, I have now come to realize that I have achieved what I desired. Although unexpected, this experience has been necessary to witness the outcomes of my dedication and effort.

Essentially, it signifies that I am at ease in my own company. Past emotions and suffering hinder the positivity within, but uncovering them draws you nearer to your authentic essence and genuine self.

Instead of constantly fixing what I perceive as wrong, I would focus on enjoying the present moment. While my healing journey is ongoing, I choose to allow things to unfold naturally and live my life day by day.

I have also realized that one can get stuck at any stage of this spiritual journey, including the healing phase. Therefore, it is good to feel ready to take the following steps on my journey, whatever they may be.