Learning to set healthy boundaries

I found it difficult to contain my impatience as I had to politely listen to the group members sharing their experiences.

Despite being a good listener, I noticed a change in myself recently. Lately, I have found it difficult to pay attention to what others are saying, which is a new experience.

While sitting there, a realization struck me. I grew increasingly frustrated with listening to others because I had reached my limit of absorbing their emotions and taking them as my own. I had developed a habit of feeling accountable for others' negative emotions as if I could somehow resolve each of their issues.

At the same time, I realized that my present circumstances are significantly different from before. The people I engage with are responsible adults capable of handling their affairs, as we had gathered for self-enhancement exercises that day. In this setting, my primary role was to listen and offer encouragement, reflecting the same support they would give me if needed.

The frustration that surfaced was not related to my current life, but rather to the circumstances I experienced in my youth when I had not yet grasped the importance of setting boundaries. It was not my adult self who struggled to hear others' opinions, but rather the inner child within me who grew tired of always being concerned about the emotions of those around me.

After this realization, I started to examine how I have intentionally maintained a certain level of distance from others to avoid dealing with their emotions toward me. I found that I lacked the emotional capacity to be close to more than a few individuals simultaneously. As a result, I may have missed out on forming meaningful connections with people who could have been great friends simply because I didn't allow it to happen.

One of the things I appreciate most about my self-work is experiencing moments like this, where I make a breakthrough that enhances my self-awareness and leads me to a better state. While I have been addressing codependency for a considerable period, this particular instance exemplifies how this positive change has quietly influenced my life.

Although it may be difficult to acknowledge and comprehend how my actions and mindset have hindered positive relationships in my life, I choose to focus on self-reflection, mindfulness, and questioning my emotions. I ask myself why I feel a certain way, what is troubling me, and where these emotions originate from.

Through this experience, I have come to understand that I am not accountable for others, yet I can still offer support and lend an ear without internalizing their emotions. I have realized the impact of unclear boundaries and the significance of maintaining healthy boundaries, particularly in my close relationships.

Specifically, I am now an adult rather than a child or adolescent. I have the autonomy to select the individuals I surround myself with and to ensure that I only maintain positive relationships with them. I do not have to tolerate individuals who disrespect my boundaries or exploit my generosity.

This is exactly how I continue to grow and develop: by taking a closer look at what is going on when something bothers me and processing each incident as it arises.