Lessons from hopelessness

Lately, I have been feeling a great deal of hopelessness.

As much as I don't believe in magic solutions, as much as I've planned to work on myself for the rest of my life, I have to confess that I've been secretly waiting for things to work out. I have done so much work that it must come to the point that I will start to feel good and stay that way forever.

But I have been waiting and waiting, and nothing has happened. I'm approaching 40, which is when people might think they've pretty much sorted out their lives, which is not the case for me. I'm not necessarily happy with where I am at this point in my life, which has caused this hopelessness that has been plaguing me.

I also felt terrible that, after all the work I've put into cultivating myself, I was so hopeless and sad. However, I came across the book When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön, which gave me a new perspective on this problem. In it, she talks about how, according to Buddhism, you can't count on things to be okay all the time because life simply has its ups and downs.

In this book, Pema discusses how reaching a state of hopelessness can actually mark the start of genuine personal development. She emphasizes the importance of ceasing to wait for perfection, as life is a mix of good and bad moments that unfold in the present.

That's good news because it's so liberating to think there is no time when everything will be okay. It means you can stop waiting and start living life as it is. To realize that life is a pleasure but also a pain. As a result, there is no reason to be angry even though life is sometimes tricky or things go badly now and then.

In my mind, thinking that things will ever be perfectly fine has two effects on one's life: either you do everything to make it happen, trying to do everything right and thereby ensure a certain level of security, or you constantly wish that life were different and thereby avoid dealing with it as it is.

Realizing that achieving this goal is impossible has relieved me. I now understand that I can embrace life as it unfolds. This realization aligns with my current aspiration to be complete as an individual who can fully engage with all human emotions and is entitled to do so.

I've been feeling inadequate lately because of challenging days and occasional hurt feelings. It can be overwhelming to expect yourself to always be cheerful. Life doesn't always go smoothly—sometimes the weather is gloomy, and sometimes you don't get enough rest.

Suppressing one's true feelings by pretending to be constantly happy and content can lead to resentment that will eventually emerge. Embracing one's true self, with both strengths and weaknesses and accepting good days along with bad ones is a more beneficial approach. It is important to remember that life encompasses a variety of experiences and emotions, offering opportunities for significant growth and personal development.