Relinquishing my personal will

Throughout my spiritual journey, I have been surprised by many things, and as I progress, I realize that my initial perceptions were inaccurate.

Many individuals embarking on a spiritual journey believe it will enhance their lives, although this may not always be true. Life has its ups and downs, yet by focusing on personal growth, one can better navigate the challenges that come their way.

Recently, I shared my experience of feeling hopeless, which could have been seen negatively. Yet, this marked a significant milestone in my journey, as letting go of hope stopped me from waiting for things to improve.

Believing that life will be flawless is a misconception, as new challenges will constantly exist. Focusing on resolving all global issues or personal concerns related to health, relationships, and finances can distract from introspection.

Individuals often strive to rectify every aspect of their lives in the pursuit of security and the belief that once everything is in order, they will experience continual contentment. They are prepared to make significant efforts to evade living in the present moment and confronting reality as it is.

I understand the feeling well as I hesitated to surrender, yet eventually, exhaustion compelled me to do so. I grew weary of harbouring these concerns and became indifferent to the possibility of the ground vanishing beneath me, leading to my ego's demise.

I was uncertain about the outcome of releasing all my worries; what would remain? Who am I without these issues? What steps should I take next if I cease fixating on the past and fretting about the future?

What will occur if I cease attempting to dictate the course of life? If I release my perceived control over situations beyond my control? The ego insists that my life will remain unaffected if I surrender my will. Fear warns that I will achieve nothing if "I" do not take charge of making things happen.

Eventually, I reached a moment where my fear dissipated, and I started feeling excitement about surrendering. I started to appreciate the level of calmness it brought. What's truly unique is that I discovered life continues even when I'm not consumed by worry or attempting to dictate its course.

Living in this way does not imply that I will not address whatever challenges arise each day. I do not postpone action until everything is flawless or until the day comes when I no longer have to deal with any responsibilities. Tasks will always be present, but I choose not to view them as problems or take them personally.

Viewing the world in this manner does not imply I have a clear direction for myself now that I understand the futility of excessive concern for the future or fixation on the past. The future is uncertain, but this newfound wisdom presents a chance for a fresh start and a new way of living.

I sometimes feel uncertain about my direction, but I find waiting and observing the unfolding events beneficial. I refrain from taking action until the next step becomes apparent. Although surrendering can be challenging, the reward lies in the liberation of releasing expectations aligned with my personality's preferences.