Sadness in the age of a virus

I am feeling sad. I acknowledge that I am doing well; I have a home and an abundance of food, and despite being jobless, my financial situation is currently stable.

Across the globe, individuals are facing difficulties, unemployment, anticipated job loss, lack of essential resources, sickness, or bereavement. Meanwhile, I find myself in my spacious 100-square-meter apartment, having just enjoyed a nutritious and satisfying meal yet feeling sorrowful.

I feel exhausted from the monotony, the void, and the inability to socialize or engage in typical activities like going to the movies or dining out. It's frustrating not being able to make solid plans or have a clear vision for the future. I'm tired of sitting at home unemployed for over three months without knowing what lies ahead and sick of constantly striving to be productive and diligent to enhance my quality of life.

Every day, I engage in a routine that includes meditation and preparing juice for breakfast as part of a cleanse to enhance my digestion. Additionally, I dedicate time to practising the guitar, going walking with my boyfriend, journaling, tending to my potted plants, and participating in online meditation group meetings on Tuesdays and sometimes Thursdays. Fridays are reserved for shamanic journeys with my teacher, as I strive to maintain an optimistic outlook on the future, always aiming to improve myself gradually.

Although life is generally good, there are times when I feel sad. I recently had two weeks during which I felt exhausted and achy without fully understanding why. I believed I was content with my current situation. Since losing my job in January, I have embraced spiritual teachings, practising complete surrender, and allowing life, the universe, or a higher power to lead me on my journey in this world—or so I thought.

However, I recently realized that I hadn't truly let go; instead, I had been patiently waiting for things to unfold according to my expectations at a time that suited me best. Suddenly, it dawned on me that my sadness stemmed from the fact that the desired job was not materializing when I expected it to. Instead of letting go and trusting a higher force, I merely anticipated my envisioned outcome. I felt frustrated and disappointed that things were not unfolding as planned. But that's alright.

It's OK to feel down occasionally, even if others face more significant challenges. It's essential to be truthful with yourself about your emotions. Life isn't always perfect, and it's okay not to feel cheerful all the time. We live in a complex era, and dealing with insecurity and uncertainty is always challenging. I'm exhausted. I'm going to relax and watch Netflix now. Tomorrow is a new day.