The freedom to feel

There are emotions inside me that I find difficult to connect with.

I feel weighed down by these feelings that not only cause me physical discomfort but also affect my everyday life. Even though I understand the benefits of doing so, I struggle to connect with my emotions and express them.

Occasionally, a small trigger arises that nudges me to the brink of tears, but it never quite reaches the surface—these emotions remain deeply buried within me. It is challenging to comprehend why I cannot fully embrace this sorrow and release the tears, as it would bring immense relief.

The pain I am experiencing is not connected to my current situation, as things are going smoothly in my life right now. They've never been better. I realize that my tears are not a result of current happenings but rather emotions repressed in the past.

One possible reason is that I find it challenging to recognize these feelings because I have never had the chance to express them. I didn't feel there was a proper way or emotional support available. In my youth, I tried to avoid causing trouble or upset to those around me.

Instead of expressing my feelings, I chose to prioritize the well-being of others by offering emotional support. I felt unable to share my struggles and took on the role of appearing okay rather than seeking support for myself.

Being an adult, I've had to break free from this old habit and learn to accept, endure being noticed, and receive comfort. I've struggled to be vulnerable and form connections with others, as I tend to absorb their emotions.

I have prioritized connecting with and supporting others over addressing my own needs. I have not opened up to others about my feelings but mainly relied on counsellors for support, as that is their professional role.

However, compared to the past, I now find it simpler to express my emotions and communicate when I'm not feeling well. Nevertheless, I am occasionally upset by individuals' responses criticising me for being too sensitive or trying to tell me what to do. I realize that I truly require the freedom to experience my emotions without pretending that everything is okay when it's not.

I must experience emotions without concerns about others' reactions, criticism, pressure to endure, or attempts to change me. My feelings are valid, and I have the right to respond to life's challenges as they arise. It's okay not to be OK sometimes, and I don't always have to put on a happy face.

It is acceptable for me to encounter challenging emotions since feelings are neither good nor bad. It is natural to face hardships and feel hurt as a result.

Instead of constantly attempting to eliminate the emotions stored in my body, I can choose to acknowledge and accept them. This can be achieved by tuning into my needs, providing the necessary support and compassion, or allowing supportive individuals to be present for me when needed.