The importance of observing one's thoughts

These days, I have all the time in the world. Since I'm unemployed but still paid, I don't have to be anywhere.

I will be on vacation until spring or until I find a new activity. I tend to be critical of how I spend my time, feeling the need to be productive. My mind frequently pushes me to be more active, criticising me for not climbing mountains. While I know I should go to the gym regularly, I often end up doing nothing instead.

I am involved in many activities! I am currently enrolled in a three-year program and have obtained books on my Kindle from a reading list specific to the program that I intend to read. Additionally, I am a member of a weekly meditation group and occasionally attend extra sessions on Thursday evenings.

I am taking time to relax and appreciate life – I recently indulged in a spa treatment and massage at Hotel Grand, and I plan to experience floating hydrotherapy this week. Moreover, I have commenced sessions with a psychologist and incorporate daily meditation into my routine. Naturally, I do clean my apartment occasionally. What more could one possibly desire?

Currently, I am not pursuing every conceivable job opportunity. I have yet to venture into entrepreneurship, focusing on web editing or social media services. I haven't embarked on experiences like meditating in an ashram in India or practising yoga in Bali.

Visiting my brother in Sweden or my parents in Hólmavík is not even on my agenda. I am failing to use this irreplaceable time to engage in any productive pursuits. I am not following the path of what is deemed appropriate, and I am unsure of what that path even entails.

Goodness gracious. The mind, ego, and negative inner voice can be unyielding, particularly when alone at home. I experience this internal monologue every day, even during the "holiday" season. I find myself in continuous self-reflection on different topics, always sensing a lack of adequacy and insufficiency.

Without a doubt, I am enough. I am not alone in facing the challenges of the mind. The majority of individuals are striving to reassure themselves that they are on the right path and that they are fine. I am just one of the countless individuals globally engaged in this struggle. I take a deep breath and affirm to myself the importance of being an observer.

Not the critical mind, but the observer, witnessing the ongoing struggle. I must be aware of my thoughts and decide which voice to strengthen: the one that brings me down or the one that uplifts me. I exhale... and I exist in the present moment. I am.